Little KoolAid Man
by Silvertide
Summary: Little Red Riding Hood with the "Kool-Aid Man" as the protagonist.


I do not own the trademark to the "Kool-Aid Man" nor do I own copyrights to any stories transcribed by long dead German guys. Any who can legally sue me for this tale, please do not, as I have written this for fun and parody, not for monetary profit. Enjoy. 

Little Kool-Aid Man by Silvertide

Years ago, there lived giant pitcher people whose bodies were filled with sweet sweet fruit juices. They lived far from most other kinds of people, on the edge of a giant forest in a secret land. One of their most beloved sons once went out into the outside world and became a famous celebrity while working for a powdered juice drink company. After working for years, he went back to live in his family home. He was still just a boy after all, at least by giant pitcher people standards. One day, the famous son received news most awful.

"Oh no! Granny Lemonade is sick?!"

On a sunny morning in the Red Acre Wood, Little Kool-Aid Man was greatly dismayed as he received the sad news from his parents, the Cranberry Juice Guy and Lemonade Girl. Little Kool-Aid Man's grandmother, the Lemonade Lady, was deathly ill and bed-ridden in her small forest cottage.

"Yes, it is rather dreadful," said Lemonade Girl.

"What's worse is that your mother and I are too busy to visit her at this time of need," said Cranberry Juice Guy sadly.

"I have time! I have time! I have time to visit her for you," cried out Little Kool-Aid Man. "I bet my delicious Kool-Aid would perk her up!"

"But son, you've never been to her house on your own before, are you sure you can handle it?" asked Little Kool-Aid Man's mustachioed father.

"Don't worry, I'm a big boy now," said Little Kool-Aid Man with a big shiny grin.

The parents admitted that he was a growing boy who would benefit from taking on more responsibilities, but they were worried. They were not sure if he was quite ready. But then they worried more about Little Kool-Aid Man's grandmother, so they sent him away with a map marking the way and two warnings:

"Stay on the path, do not stray," warned his mother.

"Don't dilly-dally, make haste!" warned his father.

"I will, I will," said Little Kool-Aid Man as he waved goodbye and went on his way. At the doorsteps of his family home, his parents gave him one final warning: "Don't talk to strangers, it is not safe!"

Little Kool-Aid Man hopped and skipped along the little forest trail on the way to Lemonade Lady's house deep in the forest. Halfway through he saw a group of small children sitting near the road. He skipped right by when one of them called to him.

"Hey big red pitcher man, how's it going?"

Forgetting his parents' warning about talking to strangers, he stopped and replied, "Not too bad," before turning around and going on his way again.

Five skips later the children ran up and surrounded him, blocking his way. A little girl licked her lips and asked, "What's the hurry big guy?"

"I'm visiting my sick Granny to give her some of my sugary sweet Kool-Aid to help her feel better," he said in reply.

"Oh, that red stuff doesn't look that sweet, let me try some," said a little boy as he grabbed Little Kool-Aid Man's pitcher of Kool-Aid.

"Hey, that's for my Granny!" protested Little Kool-Aid Man as the other children took small sips from his little pitcher.

"Mmm. This is sweet!" exclaimed a little girl. Little Kool-Aid Man took back his pitcher and tried to continue on his way, but the children followed him begging for more.

"This is for my Granny, I have to get it to her right away!" he cried.

"Where does your Granny live?" asked the children.

"My map says she lives right there, near the end of this trail," said Little Kool-Aid Man, showing them his map.

"Is she a giant pitcher full of sweet juice just like you?" asked one of the children.

"My Granny is the sweetest! She takes three sugar cubes a day to keep her Lemonade from getting sour," Little Kool-Aid Man proudly proclaimed.

"You know, there is a secret shortcut to her house," said a little blond little girl.

"Really?"

"Let us look over the map and we will find it for you," suggested a brown-haired little boy. Little Kool-Aid Man waited on the road as the children huddled around the map, he waited and waited, forgetting his parents' warning about wasting time. After more long waiting, the children returned his map and told him to go off the path and walk along a different road than the one his parents marked for him.

"But this way looks longer than the way I am already on," said Little Kool-Aid Man.

"It looks longer than it really is, but trust us, it's faster," said one of the children.

"And there are so many more pretty sights along that way, go ahead and try it out," said another child.

"Well, I don't know. My parents told me to stay on the path, and not to waste time. And not to talk to strangers, hey you kids are all strangers aren't you?"

"No we're not, we're your friends, trust us and go over that way."

"I don't know," replied Little Kool-Aid Man, "I have a bad feeling about this."

The children grabbed Little Kool-Aid Man's shiny glass arms and took him a short way to the other path, it was surrounded by a wonderful meadow and fields of sweet smelling, brightly colored flowers with pretty butterflies hovering over it all.

"Its beautiful!" exclaimed Little Kool-Aid Man.

"We told you so, now go along now to your Granny's house," said the children as they went back to the other path.

Amazed at all the sights, smells and pretty birdcalls around him, he forgot all the warnings his parents gave as he walked down the new path.

Little Kool-Aid Man reached Lemonade Lady's cottage home later than he expected to. He went up the short dirt trail and saw something amiss; her front door was ajar. Frightened for his Granny. Little Kool-Aid Man rushed inside her house and up the stairs to her bedroom. The door was closed, and as he opened it, a creaked groaned out of the old wooden panels.

He gasped when he saw her lifeless and empty body lay on her bed. Little Kool-Aid Man rushed to the bed and confirmed that her giant glass pitcher body was empty; all he bright yellow lemonade was gone! What could have happened he wondered. Without warning, he heard the pitter patter of little feet rush up along side him.

A small boy holding a large straw shocked and surprised Little Kool-Aid Man as the small child jumped inside of Granny Lemonade and proceeded to suck at a few remaining drops of lemonade inside of her. Horrified, Little Kool-Aid Man slowly backed away from the small boy sucking away at air. Slam! The door shut behind him. Little Kool-Aid Man looked to his right and he saw one of the little girls from earlier that day, but this time with a giant straw in her hand. Before he could scream, he felt something tap him on the top of his head, and dip into his Kool-Aid body. The last thing he heard was a loud slurp.

Juan Carlos, a local ice cream vender who sold out of a cabinet-sized freezer cart decided to visit his sick friend, the Lemonade Lady. He took a break from selling frozen treats out of his little ice cream cart, and went to her home. Juan, one of the few humans who lived in giant pitcher people land, noticed something wrong right away. Carefully tiptoeing through the open door, he slowly made his way upstairs. Juan looked inside his friend's bedroom and screamed.

Five small children, shaking from too much sugar, lay on the ground around the empty bodies of the Lemonade Lady and the Little Kool-Aid Man.

"Ay yi yi! Sugar vampires! This is most horrible. I must act fast while they are incapacitated!"

Juan ran out of the house and brought back his ice cream cart. He took out everything in his cart and stuffed the children inside. Then he chained and padlocked the opening into the cart and proceeded to fill the bodies of the two lifeless pitcher people halfway with water. Then he unwrapped all his fruit icicles, and put them inside of their water filled bodies.

As the children hopelessly tried to break out of their impromptu prison, Juan Carlos ran off and bought all the lemons and packets of Kool-Aid he could find. He had to visit nearly a dozen stores getting strange stares from fellow customers and the cashiers. Juan did not care, he had friends to save.

When he got back to the cottage, he squeezed out all the juice from the lemons into Lemonade Lady's cold body and then he threw in a plugged in toaster into her body. At first, nothing happened, her lifeless body laid on the kitchen floor motionless. Seconds later, a spark came out and electricity filled her newly refilled body. Her eyes shot open and she sat straight up with surprise gasping and coughing. The Lemonade Lady came back to life!

Juan quickly began opening the Kool-Aid packets and filling Little Kool-Aid Man's body with the bright red powder. When he was finished, Lemonade Lady fully recovered and began to pray for her grandson. The toaster was completely burned out, so he plugged in a microwave into the kitchen wall socket, turned on high for five minutes and then he put it into Little Kool-Aid Man's lifeless body laying on the kitchen floor. A few minutes later, the microwave began to crack and cackle with electricity as Little Kool-Aid Man's eyes suddenly opened. He coughed and gasped for breath as Lemonade Lady cried with joy.

After the two fully recovered a few hours later, they thanked Juan for his help.

"Thanks a lot Mr. Carlos, I made a really big mistake trusting those brats," said Little Kool-Aid Man.

"Don't mention it, mi amigo, we all make mistakes," replied Juan.

"You can visit us any time Juan, it was good to see you again," said the Lemonade Lady.

"What will you do with those kids now?" asked Little Kool-Aid Man.

"I don't know, I'll just have to take them with me until I figure out what to do with them."

"Why don't you stay over for dinner? It's the least we could do after all you've done for us," suggested the Lemonade Lady.

"Thank you, but I already promised to meet another lady friend for dinner. I was supposed to be at her gingerbread house over half an hour ago," said Juan, waving goodbye.

"Well, maybe she'll know what to do with them," said Little Kool-Aid Man waving back.

The End.


End file.
